Monday, March 30, 2015
Somewhere on my journey I lost my passion... Well, I wouldn't say I lost it so much as I put it in a drawer and keep forgetting to use it. A week ago Sunday morning I woke up in an anxiety ridden panic but through reading and self reflection, I found it!
I love my kid, I love my girlfriend, I love my family and friends and I love my job. I am grateful for the life I have lived, but there is something inside me that is not right, something inside that keeps pointing me to write, continue with my health/fitness dreams and achieve some other goals along the way while I am here having this human experience.
Well, when you wake up out of dead sleep in a panic wondering why aren't things working out... It's a sign its time to do something about it.
So in that panic I got up and started searching the Internet for some motivation. I googled stuff about depression, which then led me to stuff about suicide… Well I am not thinking about suicide, I lost a good friend to suicide... I just feel stuck, like why does life keep kicking my ass? What is wrong with me? Why am I where I am?
So then I googled how to get yourself to follow through and unstuck because as I said, I had been feeling, for a long time, stuck and uncertain of the future. Depressed if you will. And honestly to the point of feeling like my life had no meaning… I’m 50, basically broke and uncertain of what was going to happen to me, how I am going to provide for son’s future and how the rest of my life was going to go.
I knew deep down inside something has been wrong… I come up with these great ideas but don’t follow through. Something comes up and I just get caught up in life. I looked back at all the blogs and journals I wrote over the past couple of years and saw this pattern of starting and stopping. You know… I have had a lot a great day 1’s and could even follow through for a couple of months but then life just gets in the way and I am back to where I started.
But the Good Lord, The Universe, whatever you want to call it lead me to that moment of waking up at 2am in a panic and searching. But what was it? What did I need? Why was I up?
First I found Mel Robbins… And yes, I was looking for Anthony Robbins stuff to motivate me… and she laid it all out there for me! The most profound thing she said was that there was a 1 in 400,000,000,000 chance of me even being here… so why not think I am special. And I extracted from that… Why not think I am part of a divine project and that I am just as special as the next person and that they are too… It is all so incredible to think that we are even here. It’s down right amazing when you think of the chances of being here. Here is her Ted Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp7E973zozc
So of course I bought Mel's book... Stop Saying your Fine and have read it over the past week. So today is Day 1 of her Stamina Challenge. Simply put, I got up 30 minutes before I normally would have and popped out of bed to start my day. No Snooze! No laying there moaning "It's too early!" I just got up and started doing what I love... Writing... Now on to exercising... then going out and doing what I do... Helping my clients achieve their health and fitness goals, then on to doing my "Dad" thing.
It's ok to get down on yourself. Its ok to think your stuck. It's even ok to start and stop, over and over again. Today is a brand new day to re-enlist your passion for what you want to do in this life. Today is Day 1... Make the most of it!
Health and Happiness!